Pay attention to what a woman is really telling you.

Don’t be naive about what a women is saying. Pay attention, and have enough sense to realize when a women is flirting with you (or not). When it comes down to it, women aren’t that hard to understand.

Women frequently complain that men don’t pick up on her cues. They are playing PGA golf while most men are at the Putt-Putt when it comes to social interactions. They are playing chess – and we are playing checkers. What we consider subtle, they consider almost unforgivably obvious.

Looking back on life, I can remember numerous instances when I totally missed what a woman was really telling me. I had literally no idea that these women were flirting with me, coming on to me, or giving me outright invitations. I was young and stupid. There’s no shame in that (everyone is young and stupid at the beginning), but there’s no reason to stay young and stupid.

Some of the girls and women who gave me strong or (in hindsight) obvious “indicators of interest” that I missed include:

  • The girls my friend and I met while we were teenagers, who wanted to talk to us so much while we were at the hotel pool. Back then I had no confidence and no experience with females (so I was essentially blind). Years later, I remember the whole experience and know that the cute brunette wanted me to talk to her. Ooh, she liked me!
  • In college, a cute girl with a “tramp stamp” who often turned around to ask me obvious questions about the class or homework. I (stupidly) wondered how she could be so dumb, and not pay closer attention to the teacher’s instructions!
  • The girl on the city tour who asked me questions about the music I liked (and just “happened” to love the same bands). She also laughed at anything I said that was remotely humorous. When it rained, and the tour group had to wait out the storm briefly, she stood right next to me – with her hand brushing against mine. I didn’t fully grasp her level of attraction to me.
  • A blonde girl in college sitting next to me, constantly talking to me during class, and insisting on walking with me after class. I was oblivious to how much she was interested in me. I knew she might have “liked” me, but really didn’t think much of it at the time.
  • The divorcee at work who always went to the break room at the same time as me. Once, for about a week, she would wear full makeup, do her hair, and wear really nice dresses – and mentioned to me that she “couldn’t get pregnant”. (I actually couldn’t miss all the signs she was giving me at the time, but it’s only now – years later – that I truly can understand the brazenness of her IOIs.)
  • The young wife who I ended up working late with (which I thought was totally legit, beforehand), who I later realized had set up a potential rendezvous for me and her. I had no idea what I was walking into, and while I did (sorta) “get it” at some point that night…I actually tried to get work done! When I realized the “work” was stupid stuff, I said I could finish it the next day – and I got outta there. Later, I put all the puzzle pieces together – from her earlier comment that her husband was stationed overseas, to the fact that this occurred in a very small town and I was there on business from the big city, to the fact that neither she nor I had to be there alone to get any of the work done. In retrospect I’m very glad nothing happened, but I should have seen it coming beforehand.

Maybe all of this would have been obvious to you: Some men can see all the “signs” a woman gives them. But a lot of men (especially younger men) are really and truly innocent, blind, and naive when it comes to women’s indicators of interest, flirting, or even spoken invitations. Unless you’re somewhat experienced in life, or have been educated about women, you might be like I was – and miss it all.

Another possibility is that you see the signs…but you just can’t believe that the women is really interested in you. You have a fear of misinterpreting her signs, and mistaking it for interest in you. (i.e. “She’s not really interested in me…I must be imagining that.”) Wake up. If you think she’s flirting with you, she probably is. You probably missed a few things earlier!

So wake up. Learn what to look for. Don’t fear taking action when you see signs that a women is interested in you.

Pay attention to what a woman is really telling you.

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