The universal trait in a man that is admired by women and other men is confidence.
Confidence is a strange thing. It doesn’t need to be real or come from a genuine feeling inside a man to be effective. A man can feign confidence and act as if he should be confident when he is actually full of doubt. But the results will be the same as for the man who has every reason to believe in himself and display true confidence. Confidence can become real in a person who doubts himself. “Fake it until you make it.”
Confidence gives brings forth many other good things. If a man is confident, he’s seen as strong. When someone acts confident, they display the essence of being “cool”. The confident man is the one that every man wants to be, and every woman wants to be with. Confidence lands the job interview, and gets the date. Confidence in a man sets him apart as the one who knows what he’s doing (even though he might not be).
A very entertaining case study in confidence is the book Catch Me if You Can by Frank Abagnale. It shows just how far supreme confidence can get a man. (Pretty far, it turns out.) While you or I will probably never use confidence in the way or to the extent Mr. Abagnale used it, the book is an education in the power of confidence. (And it illustrates just what it means when someone is a “con man”.)
If you would like less-illegal (but just as fun) study in confidence in action, you will enjoy Neville Medhora’s time as an exclusive party crasher. His post on How to Crash a Party shows, again, where pure confidence can get you. (It turns out when you just act like you own the room…you pretty much do own the room.)
If you have weak confidence and don’t know where to start, consider doing the following things:
- Master a skill in order to build confidence in something real (whether it’s a job or hobby).
- Finish something completely, from start to finish. See it through to the end, especially if it’s difficult. This can be anything from a course of study to a marathon race.
- Enroll in a martial-arts class (and stick with it). Eventually, you will progress and your confidence will grow.
- Become part of something in which you must speak – it could be a Meetup group, Toastmasters, or a small group Bible study.
- Join a sports team and improve your skills and stamina.
- Cold-approach people – whether this is in the context of a sales job or talking to strangers out in public doesn’t matter. It will teach you that there’s nothing to fear.
(If you need more, check out these 25 Killer Actions to Improve Your Self-Confidence from Zen Habits.)
Confidence doesn’t come naturally to everyone. It’s a practiced, studied art. But if there’s any single thing you should practice, make it confidence. No other trait has a higher payoff.